Man-o-pause, is there such a thing?

When the mirror shows a man you don’t recognise and the drive dries up... what do you do?

The answer is not simple, but it's clear. It is part of a man's life.

Let's explore how to prepare for what's coming or how to deal with it if you're in transition.

Early life: Drive, Goals, and Belonging

As a young boy or man, we often have a lot of drive. We look forward to a lifetime of opportunity.

Anything is possible, and I can become whoever I want.

So, we make plans and set many goals. Reaching them becomes a life quest because we can't fail, right?

Of course, we seek our dads’ approval for what we do and achieve. No matter how hard we try, it never seems good enough. So, we try harder and harder.

We also want to belong. We go to the gym, form relationships, experience heartbreak, take risks, and explore the world.

Everything we do seems to have a direct impact on our lives. The choices we make shape the direction our lives take.

This is amazing; it gives us the feeling that creating the lives we want is doable and relatively easy. It might even give the impression that we have tons of time to do so.

Building adulthood: Settled life and sacrifices

As we mature, we pursue our more permanent goals and seek what we think we need.

A family, a house, a solid career, money, and a nice car.

We often work hard for those goals and make many sacrifices.

We ignore our deeper needs for rest and contemplation. We focus on the outside world for confirmation and approval. We direct all our efforts to fulfilling the needs of our “surrogate mother,” our partner.

We take care of our financial stability for the future:

• Buying property and paying for those mortgages.

• Setting up a pension plan.

• Filling up our savings accounts.

• Investing a chunk of money in crypto.

• Making sure we get what we want and how much we want when we retire.

  
  

Everything feels like it goes according to plan.

The shock of 50: “Is this it?”

Bam! Then suddenly, we hit 50.

We start to realise that where we are in life might not be what we expected at all.

Part of the problem might be that we have followed the cultural universal script of 'being a man' all our lives.

You have achieved many of your goals, which may differ from person to person. You are settled, perhaps in middle management, or you have a nice, steady business. You are happy with your partner, the house you want, and possibly the 3.2 kids you planned. The family has sufficient resources and can go on holiday twice a year.

Or, like in my case, you are miles away from your initial goals.

You might be separated from your partner or your family. You might feel that becoming a father never happened and will not happen again. Or your business might have gone south, and you have been struggling for a while to keep your head above water.

Or maybe all of the above.

Unexpected changes start to surface. They occur gradually, but the realisation often comes suddenly and unexpectedly.

One day, you might ask yourself: “Is this it? Is this where I worked for all my life?”

What actually changes in a man

Some call it a midlife crisis, andropause, or man-o-pause. No matter how you label it, a transition happens at some point in your life. This transition often combines physical, physiological, and emotional changes.

It is a complex mix of biology, lifestyle, social expectations, and psychological patterns.

Physical changes

The main chemical change in many men's bodies is a decline in androgen levels, especially testosterone.

For many men, this typically starts between 30 and 40. The level builds up throughout childhood and early adulthood, peaks in the mid-20s, and plateaus from there. Then, roughly a decade later, it starts to decline gradually (in some cases, by 1 to 2 percent per year).

Not all men experience this decline; it is gradual and individual. Age doesn’t automatically mean crisis; decline isn’t always linear.

The rate of decline depends on many factors, such as:

• Quality of sleep

• (Mis)use of alcohol

• Body weight and obesity

• Lifestyle choices

• Anxiety levels

• Stress

  
  

For many men, it becomes noticeable around 50. Libido drops, sexual energy wanes, and it becomes harder to stay aroused or erect. Recovery takes longer. Multiple orgasms become rare, and the whole system needs more time to reset.

Going to the gym has a smaller effect; muscle declines, body fat increases, and the body changes shape. Energy levels drop, and motivation dips.

Our bodies need something different, and there is something different!

Psychological changes

The decline of testosterone is very individual and may or may not be experienced.

However, many men face a midlife reassessment of identity, purpose, work, and relationships. Feelings of stagnation, restlessness, or loss of direction can appear even if life looks “successful” from the outside.

Often, men face depression due to thoughts of failing in life, failing in their relationships, or as fathers. They may feel isolated from friends and the world around them, have less motivation to seek new experiences, and feel that their lives are going nowhere.

Men often experience grief for lost youth, lost possibilities, and lost bodies.

Their goals become unclear, and their needs remain unmet.

We just need new clarity and real connection.

Relational changes

In relationships, men often start to withdraw. They show less emotional tolerance and lose the initiative to engage in sexual activity. They may find themselves feeling less attractive and become sexually less confident due to bodily, energy, or erectile changes.

Are these changes allowed in a relationship? Can our partner still love us?

What to do?

Support is still scarce because the medical community often rejects the notion of a male equivalent to female menopause.

As soon as you notice the previously discussed symptoms, you can take several actions, as we will discuss here.

So, what can we do?

First, I suggest not buying a sports car straight away to compensate for physical issues, nor starting an affair with a younger person to see if you are still “in the market.”

I also suggest not convincing ourselves to MAN UP and be strong because we need to be there for our partner, our friends, and the world.

This is a time for contemplation and turning inwards. What is needed, and how can I best support myself to deal with these changes?

The rite of passage

The first step is about welcoming. You can see whatever happens to you here as a rite of passage for a man.

It is a shift from “becoming” to “being,” from “follower” to “elder.” This is a huge shift in how to live. It is a shift from a goal-oriented life to a presence-oriented life.

This is the time when all the life experiences you have gained can start to serve younger men.

Here also lies the opportunity to grow and deepen your presence in life.

Understanding the types of low testosterone

You can do a testosterone blood test. If the level is low, several actions are available.

First, understand the difference between true hypogonadism and age and lifestyle-related low testosterone.

True hypogonadism

You cannot influence this. It is a clinical testosterone deficiency. It refers to a pathological problem in the testes or in the brain’s signalling system. This may be medically treatable, so go see the doctor!

Age and lifestyle-related low testosterone

This is a common pattern that fluctuates or even comes and goes depending on the context of your life. It is influenced by:

• Age

• Excess weight, especially abdominal fat

• Poor sleep, especially sleep apnoea

• Chronic stress and high cortisol

• Overtraining and exhaustion

• Heavy alcohol use

• Sedentary routines

• Certain medications

  
  

We can change most of these behaviours and measure whether they positively affect testosterone levels or reduce symptoms. If not, you might be dealing with a clinical issue.

However, living a healthy lifestyle, relative to your age, has the greatest positive effect on the natural decline in testosterone.

Support and inner work

For the psychological issues, we have increasing access to support.

Men’s circles, for example, with men around your age, are places where you can be met in your struggles. Here, you can share whatever challenges you face in life and experience not being the only one.

Find workshops or support focused on bodywork to reconnect with your changing body and renew your relationship with it.

Carve out time for yourself to contemplate. Welcome the feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness that can arise when coping with limiting thoughts about your life.

Take the time to uncover the longings beneath the surface and see which direction you can give your life to meet those needs.

Talk about it with your partner and see what emerges in your relationship. Discuss this with friends and find out how they can support you.

Direct exercises can include adding meditation to your morning ritual or journaling about "becoming" toward "being."

Conclusion

Men change around 50. Something shifts in the body, the mind, and the deeper layers of identity. Not every man experiences this in the same way, but many feel the pull into a new phase. You can resist it or numb it, yet the transition keeps calling.

This is not a failure.

It is a threshold.

The old strategies lose power. The drive becomes less reliable. Roles tighten. Goals flatten. What once felt like purpose can begin to feel like maintenance.

This is where the work begins.

Because hormone decline varies widely, and because lifestyle, stress, health, and social pressures overlap with age-related changes, what you feel may not be hormonal at all. Often, it is a call for inner and relational work. If symptoms are severe, a medical check is helpful. Otherwise, trust your body and your capacity to transform.

You do not have to do this alone.

A transition becomes a crisis only when we isolate.

Your body is not betraying you. It is inviting you. Fatigue, irritability, loss of drive, and questions about meaning are signs that the old map has run out.

The task now is to draw a new one.

Slow down. Listen. Speak honestly. Ask for support. Offer your own.

This is not the end of vitality.

It is the beginning of a different kind of strength.

How are you meeting this moment?

And if you need guidance or support, reach out.

I am here to walk this part with you.

If you feel called, you can start by signing up for our free webinar or a men's circle.