Man-o-pause, is there such a thing?

When the mirror shows a man you don’t recognise and the drive dries up... what do you do?

The answer is not simple, but it's clear. It is part of a man's life.

Let's look at what you can do to prepare for what's coming, or how to deal with it if you're in transition.

Early life: drive, goals, and belonging

As a young boy or man, we often have a lot of drive. We look forward to a lifetime of opportunity.

Anything is possible, and I can become whoever I want.

So we make plans and set many goals, and reaching them becomes a life quest because we can't fail, right?

Of course, we need our dads’ approval for what we do and achieve. And no matter how hard we try, it never seems good enough, so we try harder and harder.

We also want to belong. We go to the gym, have relationships and heartbreak, take risks, and explore the world.

Everything we do seems to have a direct impact on our lives. The choices we make have a direct effect on the direction our lives take.

This is amazing; it gives us the feeling that creating the lives we want is doable and relatively easy, and might give the impression that we have tons of time to do so.

Building adulthood: settled life and sacrifices

As we get a little older and more mature, we pursue our more permanent goals and get what we think we need.

A family, a house, a solid career, money, and a nice car.

We often work hard for those goals and make many sacrifices.

Ignoring our deeper needs (rest and contemplation).

Focusing on the outside world (confirmation and approval).

Directing all our efforts to fulfilling the needs of our “surrogate mother”, our partner.

We take care of our financial stability in the future:

Buying property and paying for those mortgages.

Setting up a pension plan.

Filling up our savings accounts.

Investing a chunk of money in crypto.

Making sure we get what we want and how much we want when we retire.

Everything feels like it goes according to plan.

The shock of 50: “Is this it?”

Bam! Then all of a sudden we hit 50.

We start to realise that where we are in life might not be what we expected at all.

Part of the problem might be that we realise we have, all our lives, followed the cultural universal script of 'being a man'.

So you have achieved many of your goals, which may differ from person to person. You are settled, ended up in middle management, or you have a nice, steady business. You are happy with your partner, the house you want, and possibly the 3.2 kids you planned. The family has sufficient resources and can go on holiday twice a year.

Or, like in my case, you are miles away from your initial goals.

You might be separated from your partner or your family. You might feel at an age when becoming a father never happened and will not happen again. Or your business might have gone south, and you have been struggling for a while to keep your head above water.

Or maybe all of the above.

Either way, some unexpected changes start to surface. The changes occur gradually, but the realisation of these changes often comes suddenly and unexpectedly.

One day, there is this question: “Is this it? Is this where I worked for all my life?”

What actually changes in a man

Some call it a midlife crisis, andropause, or man-o-pause. No matter how you call it, there is a transition happening at some point in your life. The transition is often a combination of physical, physiological, and emotional changes.

It is a complex mix: biology, lifestyle, social expectations, and psychological patterns.

Physical changes

The main chemical change in the body of many men is a decline in androgen levels, especially testosterone.

For many men, this typically starts between 30 and 40. The level builds up throughout childhood and early adulthood, reaches its peak in the mid-20s, and plateaus from there. Then, roughly a decade later, it starts to decline gradually (in some cases, 1 to 2 percent per year).

Not all men experience decline; declines are gradual and individual. Age doesn’t automatically mean crisis; decline isn’t always linear.

The rate of decline depends on many factors, such as:

• Quality of sleep

• (Mis)use of alcohol

• Body weight, obesity

• Lifestyle

• Anxiety

• Stress

For many men, it becomes noticeable around 50. Libido drops, sexual energy does not flow as it used to, and it is harder to stay aroused or erect. Recovery takes longer. Multiple orgasms become rare, and the whole system needs more time to reset.

Going to the gym has a smaller effect, muscle declines, body fat increases, and the body changes shape. Energy levels drop. Motivation dips.

Our body needs something different, and there is something different!

Psychological changes

Decline of testosterone is very individual and may or may not be experienced.

However, many men face a midlife reassessment of identity, purpose, work, and relationships. Feelings of stagnation, restlessness, or loss of direction can appear even if life looks “successful” from the outside.

Often, men face depression due to thoughts of failing in life, failing in their relationship, or as a father, isolation from friends and the world around them, less motivation to give themselves new experiences, and a feeling that their life is going nowhere.

Men often experience grief for lost youth, lost possibilities, lost bodies.

Their goals are unclear, and their needs are unmet.

We just need a new clarity and real connection.

Relational changes

In a relationship, men often start to withdraw. They show less emotional tolerance and lose the initiative to engage in sexual activity. They often find themselves less attractive and become sexually less confident due to bodily, energy, or erectile changes.

Are these changes allowed in a relationship? Can our partner still love us?

What to do?

Support is still scarce due to the fact that the medical community still often rejects the notion of a male equivalent to female menopause.

As soon as you start noticing symptoms previously discussed, you can do several things yourself, as we will discuss here.

So what can we do...

First, I suggest not buying a sports car straight away to compensate for physical issues, nor starting an affair with a younger person to see if you are still “in the market”.

I also suggest not convincing ourselves to MAN UP and be strong, because we need to be there for our partner, our friends, and the world.

This is a time for contemplation and turning inwards. What is needed, and how can I best support myself to deal with these changes?

The rite of passage

The first step is about welcoming. You can see whatever happens to you here as a rite of passage for a man.

It is a shift from “becoming” to “being”, from “follower” to “elder”, a huge shift in how to live. It is a shift from a goal-oriented life to a presence-oriented life.

This is the time when all the life experiences you have gained can start to serve younger men.

Here also lies the opportunity to grow and deepen your presence in life.

Understanding the types of low testosterone

You can do a testosterone blood test. If the level is low, several actions are available.

First, understand the difference between true hypogonadism and age and lifestyle-related low testosterone.

True hypogonadism

You cannot influence this. It is a clinical testosterone deficiency. It refers to a pathological problem in the testes or in the brain’s signalling system. This may be medically treatable, so go see the doctor!

Age and lifestyle-related low testosterone

This is a common pattern and fluctuates or even comes and goes depending on the context of your life. It is influenced by:

• age

• excess weight, especially abdominal fat

• poor sleep, especially sleep apnoea

• chronic stress and high cortisol

• overtraining, exhaustion

• heavy alcohol use

• sedentary routine

• certain medications

We can change most of these behaviours and measure whether they have a positive effect on testosterone levels or lead to symptom reductions. If not, you might be dealing with a clinical issue.

But living a healthy lifestyle, relative to your age, has the greatest positive effect on the natural decline in testosterone.

Support and inner work

For the psychological issues, we have increasing access to support.

Men’s circles, for example, with men around your age. These are places where you can be met in your struggles. Here, you can share whatever your challenges are in life and give yourself the experience of not being the only one.

Find workshops or support focused on bodywork to reconnect with your changing body and renew your relationship with it.

Carve out time for yourself to contemplate, to welcome the feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness that can come up when coping with the limiting thoughts you have about your life.

Take the time to uncover the longings beneath the surface and see which direction you can give your life to have those needs met.

Talk about it with your partner and see what emerges in your relationship. Discuss this with friends and find out how they can support.

Direct exercises can include adding meditation to your morning ritual or journaling about "becoming" toward "being".

Conclusion

Men change around 50. Something shifts in the body, the mind, and the deeper layers of identity. Not for every man in the same way, but many feel the pull into a new phase. You can resist it or numb it, yet the transition keeps calling.

This is not a failure.

It is a threshold.

The old strategies lose power. The drive becomes less reliable. Roles tighten. Goals flatten. What once felt like purpose can begin to feel like maintenance.

This is where the work begins.

Because hormone decline varies widely, and because lifestyle, stress, health, and social pressures overlap with age-related changes, what you feel may not be hormonal at all. Often, it is a call for inner and relational work. If symptoms are severe, a medical check is helpful. Otherwise, trust your body and your capacity to transform.

You do not have to do this alone.

A transition becomes a crisis only when we isolate.

Your body is not betraying you. It is inviting you. Fatigue, irritability, loss of drive, and questions about meaning are signs that the old map has run out.

The task now is to draw a new one.

Slow down. Listen. Speak honestly. Ask for support. Offer your own.

This is not the end of vitality.

It is the beginning of a different kind of strength.

How are you meeting this moment?

And if you need guidance or support, reach out.

I am here to walk this part with you. If you feel called, you can start by signing up for our free webinar or a men's circle.