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How quickly do you come?

Yesterday, Alex and I did one of our free webinars for men in the series 'Returning Home'. We explored Embodied Sex.


In preparation for this webinar, we did some research and found some shocking gender-related stats. For example, on average, men reach their orgasm 4 - 5 times faster than women during intercourse.


Amongst other sources, according to Healthy Male, the average time for men to orgasm after penetration is 5.5 minutes. Women don't always reach a climax during intercourse, but the ones that do take an average of 14 minutes (Psychology Today).


3 - 4 times faster...

One of the reasons men come so quickly is that, for many men, the general mindset during sex is pretty result-driven. The orgasm is the goal. Without an orgasm, sex does not seem fulfilling.


I recognise this from the time I was younger. Around my 20's, sex was very important to me. I even connected the quality of the relationship I was in (and even my worth) to the quality of sex. That quality, in turn, was directly linked to how my orgasm was. My stomach swarms writing this, but it was true. Now I realise what I missed and how I could have experienced sex and intimacy more profoundly.


It is still valid for a lot of men today. Men often seek release in sex. It seems less about connection and more about performance.


All it takes is embodiment

Believe me; I am not advocating abstinence, edging, or any other form of withholding orgasms. Please have your orgasm the way you want and fully enjoy the sensation of it.


I am just curious how it would be if we, as men, could bend our focus. If we could fully enjoy sex and the connection that comes with it. How would it be if we could be fully in the moment while pleasuring our partner (or ourselves)? Enjoy every single moment of sex, and enjoy the sensation that comes with touching bear skin; enjoy the smells, tastes, and sounds of sex.


For that to happen, we need to be more embodied. We need to reconnect to our bodies, embrace the parts of ourselves that we would rather not see, love ourselves as we are, and have a complete connection to our sexual energy.


Only then can we be fully intimate with ourselves and, from there, be intimate with someone else.


Sex becomes intimacy

If we are fully embodied and loving to ourselves, then sex becomes (a form of) intimacy. We can fully show ourselves in our power and vulnerability and can fully receive the other. We can enjoy every sensation that comes with the sexual connection, and we will be able to surrender to the entire experience without it needing to go somewhere or be something.


Heck! We can experience this with everyone we connect to or everything we touch, see, or create. We will take Eros out of our bedroom and bring it to every part of our lives. We can even be intimate with everyone and everything without it becoming sexual.


Taste and feel the erotics of life!


We can have and enjoy the deep intimacy so many of us were afraid of all our lives and kept at a safe distance out of fear of losing it.


Not only for ourselves

We will receive so much more when we have more embodied sex, but that's not the only thing.


What if we can give our partner or any (sexual) connection the full pleasure of our full, attentive presence? Wouldn't that be something?


I bet this would boost your romantic relationship(s), friendships, and life.


Embodyment has been my lifelong quest. The more I reconnect to my body, the more I enjoy life and the easier it becomes to steer it in the direction I want.


How is the relationship with your body?




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