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Updated: Mar 15

I have had several discussions about leadership this week with different people, and a returning question is: “What is it specifically that men need to step into more developed leadership?”

The answer continuously comes down to ‘surrender’. We must let go of control and surrender to whatever we need to lead.

Surrendered leadership, or Heartfelt Leadership, as I like to call it, means being connected to your body and feeling what is needed to lead.

We often try to understand the situation and then take steps based on what we have learned, what we know would be a strategic move, or what we fear and want to avoid. This is leading from pure ego.

If I look at the style of leadership of many business leaders and world leaders (or likely to become world leaders), there is so much personal stuff getting in the way of really making the right decisions that are beneficial to all, which will grow a nation and which will heal humanity.

Not only men, but mainly men

I believe this is not only meant for men, but men seem to have the default inclination to lead from this place of hurt or fear. I believe it has to do with the whole patriarchal energy in our society. We are taught to be tough and strong, not to show our vulnerability or emotions, and to be the best in everything we do.

Toxic Masculinity, as it is often called, has taken away the ability to surrender to whatever happens and lead from instinct; it has made us incapable of naturally tapping into our feminine energy and using that in our leadership. It has taken away the compassion and empathy that can solve the most brutal conflicts.

In war, we need to feel the other’s pain and lead from that. We need to listen to what the other needs, zoom out, and look at the large picture. We should not fight solely for our pain or fear— heck, there wouldn’t be any war if we stopped doing that!

It starts on a more personal level

The same goes for relationships. Drop the defenses in a conflict, choose to be vulnerable, and stay curious about what it is like for your partner to be in this situation. Take the risk to say sorry or admit that you don’t know. Surrender to the helplessness you feel when you fear you will lose what you have, the relationship, or even your identity.

Everything I do in my work (and life) is about creating or contributing to heartfelt leadership. How, as a leader, can you surrender to situations and feel what’s needed to lead? This always starts with personal leadership, surrendering to your own life, and taking steps from that place of surrender.

It’s about connecting to our bodies, facing and healing our traumas and embracing our joy, desires, and shadows, opening up to the energy of life, knowing when and where we give our power away, being ok with the fact that I don’t know what to do, and daring to take risks.

This is how we create the space in ourselves to receive the other and be with ourselves at the same time, to feel the other and bring our sharp wisdom. To hold space and lead.


Heartfelt leadership is needed now! It will change the world, unite humanity, and empower you and everyone around you.

The universe has given us this world, and it provides more than we need. Can we drop the fear of not getting a big enough piece of the cake?

Isn’t that what we, deep down, really want? To feel abundant, connected, and loved?

I do... do you?

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